The last time I went out on a date was in the late 1980s. In the ensuing years I had learned a few things.
- Never date anyone at work
- Make certain anyone you date meets their own obligations
- Make certain anyone you date has their own set of friends and hobbies
- Cute fades, confidence lasts forever
- KiSA gear chafes your life
One of the things I still had not learned was how to date. So in September of 2009 I set out to date casually for a year and made certain that everyone I dated or talked about dating knew exactly what I was doing, that I was not exclusively dating,. that I expected nothing of them, and that I fully expected they were dating other people as well.
With this type of communication, what could go wrong?
Yeah, everything. I really am so bloody naive. Did two (2) marriages and 22 years of marriage teach me nothing? Well, not a lot, obviously, but I did glean one lesson I put to use:
- "No" is an acceptable answer
But let's not get ahead of ourselves.
After my wife left in August 2008 I created a profile on Yahoo! personals. I looked at other on-line dating sites and probably created and then deactivated profiles on them but in August/September of 2008 things were rough. I'd decided the joy I garnered from being part of the PA Ren Faire did not outweigh the strife with which I had to deal, so I passed on the 2008 season. Changes at work had me busier than ever but being less productive, I had shoulder surgery in Mid September, and I was restructuring my house to accommodate my son and I.
From August through December 2008 I believe I contacted 2-3 people but, thankfully, nothing came of it and in September of 2009 I updated and reactivated my profile with some results and started dating as causally as I could manage and I found out quickly that women do not listen.
Oh they can yell and scream about men and selective hearing but if someone tell me "I will not be dating seriously for at least a year" then I do not view that as a challenge, I view it as useful information.
Apparently, that places me firmly in the minority.
Between September and October I dated three (3) different women. One from Yahoo! personals and two from change meeting at the Ren Faire. I ma no longer seeing any of them.
The Yahoo! personals woman was nice enough and attractive and had her own life and hobbies and that was great. But apparently the "causal dating" clause was ignored after a bit and when I reminded her of it in response to some presumption of plans that conflicted with my established plans, she moved on.
One of the Ren Faire inspired dates was looking for someone to keep her. I don't do that. Remember the 5 rules at the start? She failed them. We had a brief lunch date that ended with her sending me an email indicating a level of connection I did not feel was warranted after a chance meeting at the Ren Faire and a single lunch. I reminded her I was taking things slowly and never heard from her again.
The other Ren Faire inspired date and I still talk and exchange e-mails. We're just in different places in our lives and will most probably never be in synch. But while she is insane because she is a women and all women are insane just as all men are children, at least she is not destructively so.
After my four month foray into dating, I decided, enough. Women are already insane, there is no way I am going to start dating again until Valentines day is safely passed. So I deactivated profiles and put my dating life on hold and took break.
A well deserved break.